Friday, October 26, 2012

Mommy Steps

Last night was a big step for this momma.

Judah graduated from sleeping next to our bed to spending his first night in his his room. All the way at the other side of our house. Away from me.

Okay, I know that's not saying much, since our house is only 900 square feet and his room is a whole 6 steps from ours...but still. It was an adjustment! And more for me than for him.

We decided it was time since he now consistently sleeps through the night and Andrew would like access to his closet again, which Judah's temporary crib setup has blocked. But when I laid Judah down for bed, walked back into our room and saw the empty spot where he previously slept, I was greeted by a strange new ache. You might call it a kind of growing pain; a pang that is felt at each new stage of a child's growth and independence that reminds Mommy she's not always going to be able to hold her child this close...that her baby's growing up.

I told Andrew I was sad. This was the first time I'd be sleeping without hearing our baby's tiny breaths next to me. Without the comfort of his little sounds and movements during his slumber. I wanted to go snatch him up and bring him back to my side. Andrew told me lightheartedly, "Well, we have to wean you sometime." A few moments later he said softly, "I'm sad too."

I found it difficult to fall asleep last night. I had dreams that he was lost and needing me, and I was ready to jump up and run to him if he woke up and fussed. I feel a bit silly confessing this part of my mild "separation anxiety". But really, Judah made the transition without a peep of protest and while this Mommy was having a harder time adjusting emotionally, I ultimately accepted that this is one of many "firsts" that I will have to embrace and praise the Lord all the way.

After all, Judah's precious life has only been stewarded to Andrew and I; although we helped bring him into the world, our Heavenly Father is the One who created him and knows every step he will take in his life...from sleeping in his crib to taking his first steps, to that day when he chooses to give his life to Jesus Christ. Each step we take as parents that leads our son closer to adulthood and further from our wings of protection is promised the tender care of our God that made him and wants the best for him even more than we do. That, I can take comfort in as I look to the future.