Friday, May 25, 2012

Mommy Guilt...Already??!?

Five weeks remain until Andrew and I expect to meet our baby face to face, yet already I am experiencing Mommy Guilt for all the things I shoulda/coulda/woulda done in my pregnancy to prepare both myself for Mommyhood and our baby for the world. I’m thinking, Seriously? This baby isn’t even born yet and I already feel like a bad mom with all these nagging regrets.

I should have been eating healthier for the baby.

I should have been exercising more to prepare for delivery.

I should have written those loving letters to our child for him/her to read when he/she is older.

I should have been praying more for our baby’s future, health, and a heart that loves the Lord.

I should have journaled more about this life-changing experience.

I should have been in my Bible more, preparing my heart and life to be an example to our child of faith in Christ and obedience to God. 

Sigh…and it begins. The pressure to have it all together, to stay on top of all those ideals and values and goals, while at the moment still juggling a full time job, keeping up with the house and bills, meeting my husband’s needs, and still trying to be the friend and family member to the many who probably believe I fell off the face of the earth after April 16th, 2011. Oh, and coping with the ups and downs of pregnancy.

 I don’t mean to complain. But I don’t want to be fighting this Mommy Guilt Monster all my life. Sometimes I wonder why God chose now to give us a child, because I feel so unprepared. I’m not the woman of faith and discipline that I want to be. God has so much work to do in me yet! How can I be the right kind of Godly mother that raises up a generation that loves and fears and obeys God with all their heart, when I feel so far from that point in my own life?

 Thankfully, I’m not alone. I have a God who sees my beginning and my end, who looks at me and sees the glorious reflection of Himself rather than my shortcomings, who has a perfect plan to grow and teach and use me for His glory in my vocation as a wife and mother. Praise Jesus I don’t have to have it all together! Although there will always be those nagging thoughts and anxieties about my effectiveness in raising healthy Christ-like children,  the Holy Spirit is able to do far more than this earthly Mama can do. I’ll just have to remind myself of that….every day for the rest of my life!

“…And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 1 Corinthians 12:9

4 comments:

  1. I alway appreciate reading your heart

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  2. Big Sister SarahJuly 16, 2012 at 1:49 PM

    Two thoughts:
    1. We can start now, not living in the past, but perfecting our present so that our future looks more brilliant. With God, there are no "if only's". He doesn't want us to look at what could have been, but glorious possibilities are ours!
    2. God gives us the grace we need when we need it--not before. (Just like Caspar ten Boom gave Corrie her train tickets just before the conductor asked for them, not way in advance.)
    I too enjoy reading your precious heartfelt thoughts. :-)

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  3. Darling,

    Each of those thoughts and regrets are attacks on your character and position in Christ. I can't say I know exactly why you feel them. But this I know is true: "in all things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us." How can we grow if wi already know everything?

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Andrew :) I think you unknowingly hacked my blog. I must have left it logged in. :) You're the best husband!

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