I should have been eating healthier for the baby.
I should have been exercising more to prepare for delivery.
I should have written those loving letters to our child for him/her to read when he/she is older.
I should have been praying more for our baby’s future, health, and a heart that loves the Lord.
I should have journaled more about this life-changing experience.
I should have been in my Bible more, preparing my heart and life to be an example to our child of faith in Christ and obedience to God.
Sigh…and it begins. The pressure to have it all together, to stay on top of all those ideals and values and goals, while at the moment still juggling a full time job, keeping up with the house and bills, meeting my husband’s needs, and still trying to be the friend and family member to the many who probably believe I fell off the face of the earth after April 16th, 2011. Oh, and coping with the ups and downs of pregnancy.
I don’t mean to complain. But I don’t want to be fighting this Mommy Guilt Monster all my life. Sometimes I wonder why God chose now to give us a child, because I feel so unprepared. I’m not the woman of faith and discipline that I want to be. God has so much work to do in me yet! How can I be the right kind of Godly mother that raises up a generation that loves and fears and obeys God with all their heart, when I feel so far from that point in my own life?
Thankfully, I’m not alone. I have a God who sees my beginning and my end, who looks at me and sees the glorious reflection of Himself rather than my shortcomings, who has a perfect plan to grow and teach and use me for His glory in my vocation as a wife and mother. Praise Jesus I don’t have to have it all together! Although there will always be those nagging thoughts and anxieties about my effectiveness in raising healthy Christ-like children, the Holy Spirit is able to do far more than this earthly Mama can do. I’ll just have to remind myself of that….every day for the rest of my life!
“…And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 1 Corinthians 12:9