I used to get up at 7am, shower, and go to work.
Now I get up at 2 am, then 5am, then 8am, to nurse our son Judah.
I used to order loan processing documents, manage loan files, and handle multiple tasks for a loan officer.
Now I change diapers, nurse Judah, wash dishes, do laundry, nurse Judah, make dinner, nurse Judah, and try to spend quality time with my husband before we both crash in bed.
I used to be surrounded by the company of bankers, tellers, and customers whom I enjoyed conversing with.
Now I am the only adult from 6am-6pm, in the company of a 2 1/2 week old who can't yet talk other than vocalizing his hunger or discomfort.
I used to count down the days until I could say "Adios" to my job and stay home all day with my baby.
Now I wonder what to do with the quiet.
I am not complaining here; I am merely noting the stark differences in my career change. I knew it would be an adjustment. I knew it wouldn't be completely easy. And though I am so blessed and thankful to be able to stay home and raise our son while my husband works extra hard to provide for us, I nonetheless am still journeying through the unique transition that is leaving a full-time workforce position to become a full-time stay-at-home mom.
It's...lonely. It's quiet. It's boring. It's sad at times. It's relaxing and exhausting. At least, in this stage.
It's also special. Precious. Wonderful to cuddle and kiss and sing to and pray over my son. To know that he will be in my care and not daycare. I thank God for His gift and His provision to Andrew and I.
I'm just...sharing the rawness of this life-changing shift in my vocation. I know many other moms have been here too. Which is why it helps to write about it.
You wrote so eloquently how so many of is feel. All I can say is its worth it! 7 years after becoming a stay at home mom I don't regret a day... The boredom becomes non existant when you are recovered from labor and find all the things around the house you can do to lighten Andrews load. The loneliness can be alleviated by making an effort to connect with other friends, especially moms of children the same age as yours. We have playdates/ mommy dates 3 times a week in the summer and surround ourselves with meaningful friendships. It took what felt like forever at the time to find my "place", my rhythm. And I am not always there. But when I am, I am filled with peace, contentment and a knowlege that I am right where I need to be. You have always inspired me and I know you are making this transition with a grace I would love to be able to emulate. Love you, my dear sister- of- the- heart. Call anytime. I always live hearing your sweet voice! Katie
ReplyDeleteYou touched on a good point--some of the boredom comes from the healing process that renders me slightly useless around the house. I am awaiting the day when I can get out more, perhaps go jogging and take longer walks, and clean the house with the old vigor I had (although motivation is 90%!).
DeleteWrite away!! So glad to hear you express yourself with your gift of words. Let me give back to you the encouragement you give to me; The "extraordinary" is in the ordinary. Wait. Create. Make your own music. You have continually found ways to lift another with your cheerful ways. Sing outloud! Call me whenever. Communicate with voice mails, letters and how about some canvas? I'll always make time for you, daughter of the most excellent kind! :) Love, Dad
ReplyDeleteAhh, yes, transition. That passage way from the familiar to the unfamiliar; change. It's not an easy road for sure, but one that you will not regret. God bless you, Rebekah, as you continue to answer the high-calling of motherhood. With God's grace, I know you will be blessed beyond measure!!
ReplyDeleteLori
It will be interesting to read about your journey. I have many fears concerning the transition, but would be encouraged by someone like you. I hope you keep writing.
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