Anew

Spring. A time of renewal. Seeds lying dormant beneath the cold hard ground break through the surface and bring life and aroma and color to a dull gray landscape. There is a sense of starting anew, afresh, after a long dreary season of slumber, waiting for warmth and sunshine. What once was cold and dark and hopeless-looking now sprouts warmth and light and the beginning of something new.

So it is with my heart. I confess, for too long I have been numb toward the One whose heart skips a beat whenever I speak His name; whose breath I unknowingly take away whenever I glance in His direction. I have been, as so many Christians currently are, going through the motions. I have slowly been "falling out of love" with the One who gave everything He has to win my heart, while juggling all the Christian things I "ought" to be doing, without feeling. I've realized I've stopped pursuing God's presence because, while the answer to hearing His voice is abiding in His intimate presence, I've subconsciously concluded that I "know" all I need to about God and just want His answers, rather than knowing God Himself and understanding His heart. I have pursued God's will but not God Himself.

But out of the settled, complacent and compacted dirt of my heart is springing up seeds of rekindled affection and desire for the presence and kinship of my Jesus. Mmmm...my Jesus. My Jesus, who knows the real me--the truths about me that I hope no one ever comes to know--and still wants to sit and talk with me. Mmmm...talk with me. Not lecture. Not condemn. Not stonewall. My Jesus wants to listen to the movements of my heart, to hear me pour out to Him in confidence...and in turn, He wants to confide in me! He wants to reveal His mysteries to me!

On Sunday a friend prayed over me for refreshment. And O, how God is answering that prayer! I feel sorry for whoever reads this, because these words on the screen cannot accurately convey the breakthrough I believe is making its way into my life. I know feelings do not define faith, but they can sure help. And I've been needing some fresh feelings for my Savior lately.

It's gone from mostly cloudy skies with a chance of rain to sunny with a high of 75 in my heart. I welcome the Spring season in my soul.